Work Your Relations

Relationships — of all kinds — are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most of it will slip. Every relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But trying to get it too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost. But what are those factors that impact a relationship and the parties separate with mostly not so good memories.

A relation to me is something that keeps the two parties intact. This can be something that can bring the two very close to each other, so close that they decide to spend quality time of their lives with each other.

Let us try to check how a relation can be nutritious and healthy. The important ingredient for a relation to be long lasting is to be vocal, both the parties in a relation needs to speak up clearly for themselves. Honestly speaking most of us fear stating our needs and this always result in either surrendering to the other or compromising with the situation. Ultimately this will turn in disappointment and anger for the other for not noticing their unstated needs. It is not just speaking up for you will help the issue you need to learn to listen as well. When you are brave enough to speak up you also need to be courageous enough to listen, and by listening means truly listen. There are times when listening is all we need to solve the issues, try to put your feet in your partner’s shoes.

Speaking, learning is not enough in some cases when the problems at hand are serious, here what you can do is to negotiate. Have a conversation on the issue gather the perspective of both filter them and find a best possible option that suits both. It will help to reach a common goal and will filter all the unwanted aspects from the issue. Healthy relations need negotiations all the times to flourish.

Solve problems as they arise. Hurt feelings are the most dangerous cause to weakening a relation, so act wisely and try to resolve the issues as they arise. Relation is not solo it requires two so you need to work as a team in keeping up the flag high. Co-operate, and share responsibilities what goes wrong in a relation is when you stop co-operating and sharing with your partner this leads to strong differences against one another and ultimately you become stranger to the other.

Last but not the least APOLOGIZE. No one is perfect and as humans we are bound to make mistakes. These apologetic attempts can be funny, clumsy but these repair attempts are crucial at every point in keeping a healthy relation going.

Remember a Relation can never be long lasting and healthy without honesty. To have an ideal relationship all you need to be honest not only with you but with your partner as well.

SPEAK YOUR DREAMS

Attended a session called “speak yourself”, idea behind was to motivate the attendees to speak up or spill out all the intentions, thoughts, feelings they have; to inspire them to break the shells of fear and voice their emotions to the world.

The idea was presented beautifully, with elaborative examples the one which inspired a lot in the whole presentation was of eagle, how it undergoes hardships in its life just to survive. After passing half of its life like a victor among its species there comes a point in life where the eagle has to choose between the two either to life the live like it is known for or to sit back and let life decide its destiny. Mostly the former is chosen and eagle bears all the hardships on itself, revive its life and live it like champion again until it dies.

Eagles are being admired almost all over the world for their traits, but what is hidden from a naked eye in its success is its ability to overcome its fear, ability to bear hardships, and the ability to live its dreams.

When an egg is hatched in bird’s family, like every other specie they are fed by their parents but when the time comes unlike humans who teach their children how to walk, talk etc. or Lions who train their cubs to hunt for their living birds throw their young ones in open air. This is where the eagle learns its first lesson to overcome its fear and in mid air it opens its wings and takes the course as champion, moving forward in life comes another test which turns out to be life threatening to the eagle and it again comes out as a victor from this too. At the middle age every eagle isolate itself from rest of the world to pluck its own feathers, peel its beak, scrape it nails to size to regain its position on the podium i.e. on the sky and this is when eagle dreams for its future and decides to make them come true despite of all the pain and hardships it takes its course for the success

Let us implement this to humans. You have to be a “Dreamer” to attain the level of success which an eagle gets.

What I learned from this example is there are only two ways of living your life, one is just to breathe and let it pass, and the other is living your life the way you want. I am not trying to re-invent the wheel but I believe is one needs to dream before taking the position on the podium. From dreaming what I mean is the intention. So set your Intentions, it is the most important part of setting a goal and reaching the destiny. Be clear and confident in your intentions, the higher the level of confidence, and the ability to bear hardships; the easier your dream will come true. The route can be full of hazards but when the intentions are clear and you are ready to take all the hardships the destiny is bound to kiss your feet. Decide yourself to live the way you want or let life make you live the way it wants.

HATE – HATE

Hate – Hate

The title that I have selected today was boggling in my mind for quite a few days now, but was unable to get it on track.

But first let me clarify, as you go on reading this article you will find it contradictory to the title but as soon as you reach the end of it I hope this may somehow change your thinking to some extent.

What HATE really is?

No one will deny that it’s just a feeling just like every other such as happiness, anger, and love, there is no physical existence of any of these and this is reality isn’t it.

To tell you the truth, why all this came to my mind is simply because the other day I was going through some magazines and I came across a short story of a girl.

I will try to summarize it here, so the story goes on like this. There is a girl who was born in Lebanon and since the time she can actually remember that she can memorize things and distinguish between good and bad she was made to hate Israelis. She had no other choice except to accept it as presented. Time passed and she went abroad due to her country’s situation, she was admitted in school and there she found a girl who later became her best companion after somewhat like 10 years she came to know that her best friend belonged to a nation she hates. Even after knowing this her attitude towards her friend never changed but she still hates that country.

After reading this I began to think why all this happen, what hate actually is, why we can’t forget it and all such stuff.

Everyone will agree that HATE is like every other feeling, if all the other feelings can change or vanish so why can’t hate. You forget your happiness, your anger vanishes, and your sadness disappears but when it comes to hate no one wants to forget it. When anyone of us are in such a situation or by any means someone unintentionally brings that person or thing in discussion of by any chance that person or thing comes in front of us what happens, yes our facial expression, our attitude changes. Even if we don’t want to still that thing or person can spoil our mood to an extent that we are forced to change, drop, and postpone the event or discussion. Whatever the case may be this all depends on the level of hatred we have for that thing or person.

Let me quote an example here, not lately I was forced to watch a cricket match between two nations Pakistan and India, there was an arrangement made at one of our family friends and the audience included both the Indian and Pakistani supporters. What amazed me was the audience who were like blood relatives to each other were abusing, hooting when their opposite side does anything good, sorry but I am very bad at cricket so I was just enjoying the audience. Let us not talk about the result what happened soon after the match is another shocking behavior I observed they all were planning the night out as it was a weekend. What I realized that day was the sadness, the anger, and the happiness all of it vanishes without leaving a mark but when it comes to hate as I said earlier it remains in our heart as fresh as ever.

In my opinion, we hate a person or thing because we do not want to remember that incident, person, or thing but in the contrary what we are doing is we are giving them a permanent residence in our hearts, souls, and minds. We are making them remembered them forever and ever. We always say I was sad, I was happy, I was angry, or even I was in love but we never say I hated you in fact we always use I hate you, I hate this, I hate that. Hating something is always in our minds and we never tend to forget it.

Yesterday a friend of mine texted me a forwarded message that goes like this “I believe that allowing someone to remain a part of your life after they have betrayed or hurt you is simply giving them permission and opportunity to do it again.” See we never try to get rid of this hatred word from our life and dictionary.

I will leave you with a question

WHY CAN’T WE FORGET IT?

Whereas, in last few days I have tried to change the actual meaning of this word in my dictionary as “Happy At The End” so that I keep my heart, soul, and mind believing everything around us is GOOD.

This has changed my approach towards things and hope can help others to some extent as well.

CHAO…. 

Stress management

Learning to manage stress is the key to a successful and healthy daily life. It is not just helpful for your work environment but can be of significant importance in your daily, social life as well. Today 9 out of 10 people around us are victims of stress that can vary according to persons, situations, and severity.

Today our daily routines are full of hassles, frustrations, deadlines, and demands. Hassles of traffic, frustrations of not getting what you have wanted, not meeting the deadlines at your work, or demands of your clients or of your family all can result in imbalance. All this can work both ways in any of these situations either you will come out as a conqueror or you will respond to it by stepping back and try to defend and protect yourself or wait for the cyclone to pass.

Stress is often taken as negative but in actual this is not the case, what happens is whenever you face a situation where you are required to give something extra stress arises and the mainframe computer of your body i.e. the BRAIN sends tsunami of hormones these hormones help you with that extra energy to perform that extra bit.

So, when stress comes in small chunks it is not at all bad instead it can help you perform better and motivate you to “I can do it”. Let me take a real life example which almost every one of us have experienced let us recall the time when the notice board at our schools shows the schedule for the exams. People who have always been average students in their lives like me took their books out when we finally see the schedule of the exams. We had to work a lot in that short time to get at least the grades that can help to get promoted to next level. You are right all of this was possible because of the stress hormones that were released by our brain to take up that huge task and get out of it as a winner.

Now let us figure out when these helpful hormones become harmful. After a certain level stress stops being helpful rather it becomes harmful, when you’re constantly hitting the top gear this is when the problem arises and when it exceeds its limit your body and mind pay the price for it. When this continuous supply of hormones is required by the body it then creates the imbalance and results in damaging of physical and mental health.

There are some common problems or symptoms that can result from any stressful situation; these can be physical, emotional, or even behavioral. Most common of which is Constant worrying other than this memory problems, poor judgment, moodiness, inability to relax, sense of loneliness, depression, pains and aches, frequent colds, chest pains, constipation, eating less or more, use of alcohol, sleeping less or more. Most of us don’t even realize that we are experiencing it but actually we are.

The most important part is we should learn recognize these symptoms; control them before they get control on us. I am not a medical graduate so I won’t be giving any prescriptions because to me drugs can only mask the problem temporarily but cannot provide a permanent solution to a problem. What I can suggest you some home remedies that can help you save your pennies and also help you to take control of the situation.

First and the foremost could be change your stances i.e. if you are seated; lie down or stand up as soon as you change your stance your active muscles that were causing the problem will start to relax and will help you get the balance back to normal. Secondly, try to think of something else any happy moment or event, your kids or something else that can divert your attention from the subject for a short while.

In case the above two can’t help you take out a magazine, newspaper and start reading an article or comics which ever your find handy or take out your cell phone and find if you have any pending replies or missed calls to respond, or you can even start playing some game that does not need that much of energy or mental skills on your system. If you are in a condition where the above three are of no use then immediately change your environment if in your house get out of there take a chair and sit in your garden in case you are at your work take some time out and leave the office premises or at least the place where you sit and work go to some other colleague and talk to him about the football game or any other thing.

I will certainly keep this article open for comments and suggestions for the betterment. 

When Nation Speaks !!!

Labaik ya Hussain, Shame Shame, Go raisani Go… were the only words that could be heard for the last three days across the country. The grieved started their peaceful protest soon after the back to back bomb attacks in the Capital of Baluchistan, Quetta. Mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, daughters, sons, and wives of the deceased began their peaceful sit-in protests.

While the families were protesting, masses were busy in the progress building to the long march. Blast was well covered by the media every single news channel was busy in breaking the latest number of deaths in the incident. But soon after clearance of the area and when there were no more deaths to report, media packed their bags and headed home for a good night sleep. No attention whatsoever was given to them but they continued their protest. Their demand was simple; justice is what they wanted and why not living in a democratic country where every individual has his or her own rights.

Their protest continued under open sky, freezing cold, and above all the fear of terror that had just taken away their loved ones. They were silent, just chanting labaik ya hussain there was no damage to public property, no firing, none of the vehicle set to fire, no blocking of roads. They sat calmly with the coffins of the loved ones and were reciting prayers. Their silence was knocking every citizen of this country, as if asking them to wake up, stand up and join us in the cause; but the nation was in a deep sleep and was dreaming. Under freezing cold they kept knocking with a hope to be heard.

With breaking of dawn their silence started nailing the nation and flood of news started to flow in relating the silent protest in quetta through social media. Marking media to take notice of the situation, news flew like jungle fire and the nation started their silent movement in their very own cities. Within no time news started to flow-in about start of protests across the country in different cities. Students, youth turned out in numbers to protest and join sit-ins with their brothers and sisters. There were numerous protests across the country but the irony of the situation was that no one in the government bothered to listen. The total government machinery was blind folded by the Long March. This was the time when civil society and media stepped in, or was forced to step in by the pressure exerted by social media and the intensity of the incident building momentum.

Just after 24 hours of the incident protests started across the country, people from every walk of life joined hands they were not shia, not sunni, they were not forced by any political party, nor driven by religious wings irrespective of faith, religion, gender, age or language they were there because they were humans. Bearing the cold weather, the fear of terror they stand hand in hand with their fellow countrymen. The toll rise from 10s to 100s and they kept sitting with just one agenda in their minds “JUSTICE”. Unfortunately, their peaceful protests were not hitting the deck the hard this was when these peaceful soldiers targeted their movements and started challenging the state machinery but even then there was not a single incident of violence reported. Their sit-ins blocked railway tracks, airport routes, and cosmopolitan areas to get their voices heard. Feeling the heat of the situation all the 2nd and 3rd tier political parties stepped in and started sending their condolences to the grieved, accepting their demands, and offered their support.

To avoid the worsening of the situation rusted government machinery was shaken and Mr. President directed Mr. Prime Minister to get the issue resolved. After 72 hours of peaceful protesting their voices got heard, their demands met and the protestors disbursed peacefully soon after it.

Looking at the scenario a lot has been learnt from it, the silent and peaceful protest of Quetta incident sends a message across the board that Islam is the religion of peace, keeping calm can get you justice and uncovering the extremist face which is nothing but the paid bunch of people destroying the image of Islam and has nothing to do with religion.

When people stand up for a cause they can kneel down anyone, anytime. Regardless of blockages, suspended mobile services, water cannons etc. they will overcome any obstacle and will conquer. The nation is awake now and the so called elected members should wisely draft their election speeches because if the nation can make the dead people heard, there is no question they can turn the tables if they are not delivered what they were promised. Civil society, media, law enforcement agencies, judiciary should clearly set their priorities a movement can change it once and for all. Because when Nation speaks, it demands.